TO ALL PERSONNEL (2008)

From 1964 to 1966, I served my final two years in the Air Force at the Air Force Academy Hospital in Colorado Springs. I was a medical corpsman, working mostly on the maternity ward, where wives of Air Force men had their babies. It was a cool assignment, and I enjoyed living 9,000 feet up, in the shadow of Pikes Peak. But typical of military life, there was a lot of dumb stuff going on.

The sergeant in charge of the ward was a pretty nice guy, but he was fanatical about posting memos on the bulletin board, and most of them were innocuous and seriously unnecessary. Some examples might be:

To all personnel

June 30, 1965

All corpsmen are expected to arrive and be ready to work at the beginning of their shift. I should not have to remind you of this. Therefore, I am directing all corpsmen to report on time, and this means you!

Or

To all personnel

February 4, 1966

All corpsmen are reminded that they should treat one another with respect. This includes cleaning up at

the end of your shift.

We were required to read the memo and write our initials at the bottom, in effect, taking responsibility for the “information.” That was easy enough, but then the memo would stay up on the bulletin board for two or three months, and the good sergeant had a habit of occasionally moving it to another spot on the board. So it was inevitable that every several weeks, someone would notice what appeared to be a new memo, roll his eyes, and say something like: “Cripe, it’s the same stupid memo. When is he gonna take the freakin’ thing down?”

One night I was working a particularly quiet graveyard shift, and I got an idea. I tore off a sheet from a memo pad on the sergeant’s desk, and composed one of my own. I wanted to make it as innocuous as possible, so I wrote the first thing that came into my head. I’m almost sure I made no revisions whatsoever. I stuck it on the bulletin board, and prayed I wouldn’t get court marshaled.

To all personnel

June 28, 1966

It has come to the attention of those concerned and those only indirectly concerned that the situation brings to light all others subsequent and previous to the aforementioned cause. However, on the other hand, although these two viewpoints may vary in thought as well as intention, it goes without saying that it will never be the same for those who know what it is.

Over the next few days, everyone initialed it. I noticed one obviously bewildered corpsman walk up to the bulletin board, read it, step away, read it again, shrug his shoulders, and finally initial it. The sergeant never said a word about it, nor did anyone else as far as I know. It stayed up for three months. Several times, I moved it to another spot. Then one morning, I took it down and tossed it in the waste paper basket.